Atta Boy
by Clockwick
Summary: Loki of Asgard catches the common cold via Peter Parker. This is the last time Tony and Steve send their son away... Slight crackfic but plausible!
1. Chapter 1

Babysitter

Hello! Thought I'd jump on the domestic bandwagon and try writing outside my comfort zone with a little SuperFamily Shipping! So wish me luck, this story wont drag on like all my other ones and it wont be rated M. I do not own anything. Enjoy this story.

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**Chapter One**

"Man of Iron! Man-of-Iron's-Special-Friend!" The god of Thunder bellowed as he crashed through the balcony's glass window, again. His steps shook the contents of Tony's shot glass as he lounged in his recliner, playing a simple game of chess with J.A.R.V.I.S. Thanks to Thor, the pieces danced out of their places, ending the game that he was currently losing. _Oh thank you._

"What up,_ oh guardian of ass_?" Tony's play on words went unnoticed as Thor dropped Mjölnir to the floor.

The loud noise brought Steve- with his shield in tow- running down the hall in his socks to see if there was any sort of danger. It was when he skid around the corner did his jaw slack and his eyes widen. His and Tony's living room floor was covered in glass because Thor preferred entering in such a manner that doors were just too… inconveniencing for him. Before he could voice any complaint, Tony walked over and draped his arm around his shoulder, giving a comfort squeeze and a peck on the cheek. Such a small action had Steve blushing and uncomfortable with public displays of affection.

"Something is wrong with brother. I urgently need your help. Bring the spice lady!" Tony could clearly see the worry in Thor's eyes but that did not stop him from rolling his or sighing. Without bothering to correct Thor on Pepper's name, he downed his shot and relished in the bite that it gave.

Steve and Tony had sent Peter away with the Asgardians for the week because of their upcoming anniversary and both of them so desperately needed some alone time. The fact that Steve's first choice, Pepper, was busy with work in another country for Stark Industries left the two with only Loki and Thor to ask. With their adopted son Peter walking around at all hours of the day, it was almost impossible for Tony to behave, but that did not stop Steve from deterring any advances.

* * *

At first, Steve was against the very thought of Peter hanging around Loki. He still didn't trust the trickster after so much had happened. When the fight with the Chitauri blew over and Thor took Loki back to Asgard, everything calmed down enough so that others could move on with their lives. Natasha and Clint did numerous missions together and would pop in every now and again to say hi (and to crash Stark Tower), and Bruce would drop off the map for weeks on end until he'd send Tony a cryptic message or two. Some were jokes and other times they were questions that had him stumped on one of his most recent scientific projects. The gang still kept in touch from time to time and when news of Tony and Steve's marriage caught wind, everyone attended their wedding.

It was a beautiful event that was both outlandish and simple. Steve tried to keep it classy while Tony wanted to add his flair into the planning of the wedding. They somehow even convinced Fury to sing a song or two during the reception. It just wasn't expected to see him attempt 'Beez in the Trap' with a straight face. Tony still believed that it didn't happen and that everybody was possibly drugged. The rest didn't matter though because not far after, they adopted Peter, a sweet little boy who was bitten by a spider. Everything was becoming a Happily Ever After for Steve Rogers. He had a life that he always wanted, a family and not to mention great friends...but his little dream formed a crack two years later that Steve was rudely awakened to a sudden crash of glass. The impact shook everything in such a way that even Tony fell out of bed. That alone was enough to wake up and ask, 'if it was breakfast yet?'

What surprised the family was that there was a pair of Asgardians fighting in their living room. Thor sat on Loki's back while delivering what he had learned from Tony as, 'the noggie' while Loki was shouting his own form of obscenities via foreign tongue. Thor's laugh thundered as he continued to pester his brother so much so that Steve was about to throw his shield if they ever woke Peter.

All was lost when the little boy shuffled in with tears streaming down his eyes while clutching to his blanket for dear life because the loud noises scared him. His shrill cry did not go unnoticed as Steve picked him up and began to coddle him while Tony just cleared his throat. Both fathers held a protective look in their eyes as Thor jumped up and hugged the family. He was able to lift them off the ground, and that goaded a slight noise of discomfort from Peter.

"Brother look! Steve and Tony hatched a little one of their own!" Thor's voice caused Peter to hide his face in Steve's neck as he gripped his blanket tighter. Tony could hear Loki smack his forehead with his own hand.

"Don't be a fool, brother. Midgardians don't lay eggs." Loki snapped while dusting himself off. Shards of glass just seemed to fall with just a wave of his hand while he slicked his long hair back and out of his eyes. Without even being told, he extended his arm and the glass that was broken on the floor just melted away and formed back where it used to be, as if they never broke it in the first place.

"Thank you" Steve murmured as Thor was careful to lower them back down. Now that Peter could get a better look at the two strange people, his eyes held wonder, confusion and dare we say intrigue?

"So what brings the God of Thunder and Princess Disney to our home?" Tony wasn't really paying much attention as he began to pop his back, his sigh of content would usually bring a dopey smile of content, but not today. Normally Tony wouldn't be so cranky, but nothing was pleasant as falling off the bed and this unexpected visit was cutting in on his snuggling time with the Capsicle.

"Apologizes."

Both Loki and Thor did not catch the reference that was just made, but good ole Steve had to bite his lip to hold in his laughter. Of Course he'd get it now that he and Peter have watched every Disney movie. Peter did enjoy watching the heroes and how they saved the day; his (and Tony's) favorite was Wall-E. Oh how he loved his boys.

"The All-Father claims that Midgard is a wondrous place to teach humility. It has worked for Thor and now he wishes the same effect on me." Loki stood straight with his arms crossed behind his back as he stepped forward to stand by Thor. The two of them looked like giants to Peter as he held his hands out for Thor. The first chance that Peter got, he tugged hard on both of Loki and Thor's hair and giggled. Steve opened his mouth to scold Peter but Tony's hand magically appeared on his ass and gave a squeeze. That alone distracted him enough as he glared at Tony.

* * *

"You can't be serious?" Tony looked over the rim of his glasses at the sight before him. He had followed Thor back to their temporary residence only to see the inside was covered in webs.

"The little one has been quite a handful. He's been breaking many of Loki's things and has been climbing the walls late into the night." Thor was quick to nudge a stack of soda cans out of Tony's line of sight with his foot as he looked up to the ceiling. Apparently Thor thought that all midgardians could shoot webs and climb walls.

"Thor..." Tony was almost at a lost for words; so he scratched his head and looked around for a moment. "What's been going on here?"

Thor smiled as he made his way through the living area and into the kitchen, which was a bigger mess than anything else. There were mysterious spills on the counters that looked like chocolate and macaroni and cheese and some sort of _green goo_, plates stacked high as...well..the ceiling and the icing on the cake for the disastrous kitchen was the pyramid of pop tart boxes on the table that kind of separated the two rooms. Surprise, surprise, Thor grabbed a pop tart and added the box to the pyramid, almost completing it.

"The little one and I craved pop tarts the first day he was here." He took two huge bites and finished the delicious treat, but remembered the words of his brother and swallowed all of it before talking again. "Then he-"

"Wait, you mean you two_ ate_ all these boxes in two days?" He thumbed over his shoulder to the massive pyramids. Thor just nodded with pride and puffed out his chest,

"What's wrong with that?"

"There's over_ three hundred boxes_ Thor!" Aw man. The Capsicle was going to have a field day with this if he ever found out. He never liked giving the boy sugar, and from the way that Tony could see where this trip was going, he could knew why. Thor just shrugged and gave a sheepish smile,

"Don't be mad Man of Iron. Not all is bad. Peter and I went and got so many because of the prizes inside. See?"

Before Tony could say anything, Thor pulls out a cube like structure. The pieces were clearly not supposed to make what was constructed but Peter had cleverly put together what Tony could recognize as a 'Menger Sponge'.

"Atta Boy." _Tony approves_. "Now where is Loki?"


	2. Chapter 2

Hello everybody and thank you for waiting. I'm glad to see that so many have read my story and hasn't sent me any flames yet(that's good). I'm going to try my hardest to keep everybody in character, though I believe that Thor will be quite difficult. Any who, I don't own anything!

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"Mewling quims! The lot of you!"

Loki's shouts were followed by the giggling of Peter from the other side of the door as Thor and Tony simply looked at each other. Just as Thor swings the door open, a plate of half eaten food and Peter go sailing through the air and Tony was quick to catch his child; Thor on the other hand was not so lucky for he was smacked in the face.

"Brother, please! You'll get worse…" The God of Thunder didn't even care about the plate or that there might be food in his hair. He truly cared for Loki's well-being.

"Shut up and keep that booger factory away from me-" Loki looks over to Tony and Peter and points an accusing finger, "it's _his_ fault!"

As the words left his mouth, Tony instantly recognized his face and what he was about to do and was quick to hide behind Thor as a sudden booming of a sneeze echoed through the house. It wasn't the sound that worried Tony, it was the fact that as he peeked from behind Thor, he saw that the bed Loki laid in was covered in what seemed to be green glitter.

"Pwetty!" Peter tried to squirm out of his hold. He wanted to touch it.

"Noooooo. No no no no noooo champ. You can't touch that. That's…" Tony looked to Thor who only shrugged, not really sure as to what this was, "_cooties_."

Peter had suddenly stopped trying to reach for the mysterious stuff and suddenly looked to his father. The face of absolute horror was painted across his face as he suddenly flinched as far as he could away from Loki and the stuff.

"Cooties are gross!"

"Yes champ," his eyes flicked to Loki and smirked, "cooties are gross."

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"Looks like you've developed what we like to call as the _Common Cold_." Everybody except for Loki had don on a medical mask to cover their mouth and noses while Tony checked Loki's temperature.

In the hilarity of the situation, Tony just could not help but smile; and he knew that the medic mask didn't hide much. They had taken the liberty of bagging all the green _glitter _for Peter's sake now that he didn't want to be anywhere near the stuff. Speaking of Peter...

"Hey champ. Assemble!" Tony called into the air which confused the Asgardians. It was when Peter ran into the room with every inch of his body covered in scrubs and making 'whooosh'ing noises did it make Thor laugh.

"Loki look," Thor went to pick up Peter and as soon as he did, Peter fell into sync as he flattened his body out with his arms held above his head while Thor lifted and spun him around.

"I'm Iron Man!" Peter squealed, "I protect the world and fight bad guys."

The boy held out his hand to Loki and made 'pew-pew' noises and giggled some more. This mere scene before Loki made him sneer in disgust at the reason why he hated children. They were gross, and sticky and possibly carriers of the plague that he had.

"Uncle Thor! Higher!"

The God of Thunder tossed the boy into the air and caught him with ease. He even held the child over his head as they zoomed around the room until they ventured out the door through the rest of the house. Tony just couldn't stop smiling at how his son treated everyone, but it was the growl that came from Loki that brought him back to reality.

"That _cretin_." He muttered while being propped up by pillows. Tony had checked his pulse, ears, eyes and mouth with some god awful midgardian tools before concluding that he had a 'common cold'. That was just simply ridiculous! He was a god. Asgardians never had colds; it was impossible. That still didn't mean anything because here Loki sat, groggy and drained on Earth, with his enemy taking a look at him. It didn't help that he was sneezing magical discharge- he knew this just from common sense. Loki also figured that his magic would suffer from this cold because just as Thor and Tony came in, he had tried to eliminate the brat and that awful food by sending them into another dimension.

"Do not insult my son." Tony had to stop himself from doing any harm. He just looked to Loki to show just how serious he was being. No one would insult his son, not even the God of Mischief.

"Hit a nerve did I?" Loki smirked. Even if he was sick, Loki would still consider himself on a higher plain than any midgardian. He could clearly see that Tony was fuming, and he could even see the count down he was doing to try and calm himself. Only when Tony looked back at him did he see that... well... he couldn't tell if that worked.

"Hey sunshine." Tony leaned over on the side of the bed and reached under to grab one of the many softball-sized balloons that were filled with the green glitter. He palmed one in his hands and kind of messed with it for a moment before looking Loki dead in the eyes, "insult my kid again and I'm going to burst this bag of glitter on you. I'm not in the mood to quarrel with you"

Loki just grinned. He had to try and keep a 'hehehe' bottled up as he sat up straighter. This was just too easy, Iron Man was just setting himself up,

"**An ant has no quarrel with a boot.**"

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Thor and Peter quietly made their way back up the stairs. During their pretending of Peter being Iron-Man, they had accidentally broken another sculpture that Loki had bought to liven the place up. Thor hoped that his brother wouldn't be too mad. Maybe he'll buy pudding to cheer him up. As the two of them peeked into Loki's room, they saw Tony throw the balloon that was filled with the glittery contents from his brother's nose. His brother was quick to deflect it by punching it back and it suddenly bursts right on Tony, covering him. Peter held a hand over his mouth but still managed to gasp loudly while Thor mimicked him as well. What a sight.

It was when Tony tackled Loki, did Thor push the door open further. Neither of the two cared as they rolled around on the bed, trading blows for blows.

"Little one, please stay here. I don't want you to catch the cooties." Thor said in all seriousness as he stepped into the room and closed it behind him.

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Inside, Loki had managed to be pinned to the bed while Tony continued to slug him in the face. The distraction of Thor entering the room was more than enough for Loki to plant his feet on Tony's chest to send him flying into the wall on the far side of the room.

"Brother! Stop this madness!" Thor tried to interfere.

"Shut up Thor, I'm busy." Loki flicked his hands forward and his magic flung Tony to the floor. He had meant to zap him with his magic but this blasted cold was messing with his mind. So he dove and pinned Tony to the floor, with his knees on his biceps. The two struggled with one another until Tony was left panting for air, depleted of energy.

"I am Loki, God of Mischief and you, mortal, need to show respect."

Thor wanted to break the two of them up but with the way that Loki was, even he didn't want to catch the cooties. So there Thor watched, his mind was becoming increasingly more worried over his younger brother.  
Loki on the other hand, cleared his throat and wiggled his nose in the slight, he even growled and hacked at what ever was in his throat. It sent a chill from Hell down Tony's spine as he saw what was about to happen. Loki drew his head down and pursed his lips together.

"No, no no no no nooo!" Tony shouted. He bucked and grunted while trying to get free from Loki. He did not want Loki to finish collecting phlegm, "not the loogie!"

"Shut up and eat the loogie cookie!" Slow and carefully, Loki allowed a small green glob to dangle downwards from his mouth. It swang to and fro in a stead motion and if Thor didn't do anything, Tony would end up tasting such a nasty thing.

"Who's the greatest?" Escaped the trickster's lips, "say it or I'll keep talking and this will break."

Thor could see the conflict on Tony's face as his eyes followed the motion of the loogie. It was when those eyes broke from phlegm to look at Thor did he see the plead for help. Without a moment to spare, Thor came to the rescue and picked Loki up by wrapping his arms around him and simply threw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Brother, this is too much. Stop this at once. Tony, I'm sorry for the way my brother has treated you. He surely would not be this way if he was not infected with the cooties."

"Actually, its just the Common Cold Thor. I just said cooties so Peter will stay clear." Tony rose from the ground and groaned. He was covered in Loki's glitter goo of grossness and he was sure that Steve wouldn't let him into the house with his cloths on... maybe that was a good thing.  
"Anyway, I need to go back now and get cleaned up. Please call me if there is anything dire."

When he opened the door, Peter ran away from his dad and climbed the wall so he was out of reach.

"Bye daddy. I love you and tell Papa that I love him too."

"Okay champ. Now stay away from Loki okay? I don't want you to come home and be sick. So help Uncle Thor with Uncle Loki. If he doesn't eat well or take his medicine, he'll turn into a villain. Got it?"

Peter nodded and gave his dad a salute.

"Atta Boy."

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The End! Yes, that is the end of this story, or is it? I'm not sure. However, I have been inspired to write more Avenger fanfictions so for those that are just now following me, this is good news!


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